by Prof Dr Ramli Musa under 7. Masalah Wanita & Vaginismus December 11 2020
Assalamualaikum and good day Doctor.
My name is Xxx and I have been married for 7 months. At first week of marriage, I never allowed my husband to do penetration because I was so scared of sex since the people around me keep saying the first time is gonna be hurt. It was purely anxiety. But then, I thought I was ready and we tried, and unfortunately it was not just a myth. It really hurts.
Even after a month, we still didn’t manage to penetrate because I will always be in pain. Alhamdulillah being an allied health worker, I know how the vagina works and that there is something wrong with me so I need to find the solution ASAP. So I decided to search for the reason behind it. I came across vaginismus and I thought of going to a psychiatrist. However, the only sex therapist I found on internet was too far (since I live in southern, and the therapist mostly in central region) so I decided to make an appointment with an Ob&Gyn at a private hospital I work at.
During the appointment, the Ob&Gyn did a pelvic examination on me and she said that nothing is wrong with me. She managed to insert one whole finger in me, which my husband and I never did. She said to be more relaxed and gave us few tips on good positions to reduce pain. She also advised us to try using fingers frequently to train the pelvic muscles. Despite my husband told her that he felt like hitting a wall, the Ob&Gyn never mentioned vaginismus to us, and diagnosed me as dyspareunia.
After the appointment, we tried all the tips the Ob&Gyn gave and yet we still didn’t succeed. Though I would say there was very little improvement because now after 6 months, I finally managed to insert a finger like the Ob&Gyn did without any pain although i still felt uncomfortable. I was ready and lubricated enough, yet penetration is never a success, still.
So I made another appointment with the Ob&Gyn, and again, she gave few more tips and she suggested to buy vaginal dilators. She didn’t opt for operation because according to her, I may be experienced more pain associated with the surgery. So I am thinking of buying the dilators and try again at least a month. And if things are going better, I guess I’ll be okay soon. But if not, I’m thinking of going to psychiatrist. Can you tell me the procedures of going to psychiatrist? Does government hospital offers this kind of therapy? Or do I have to search for private psychiatrist?
Thank you for your time, Doctor. Any response is highly appreciated. Million thanks.
Me; Waalaikum salam,
Many thanks for contacting me.
May I know some of your background such as your age and your resident area?
I am 25 years old and I live in Xx.
Me; To my analysis, your O&G specialist is treating you as a vaginismus case though he/she did not mention it explicitly.
This is based on the use of exposure principle approach such as digital insertion and dilator.
Exposure or graded exposure is the way to go to overcome the fear or “phobia” (In this case; Fear of vaginal insertion)
You may want to search in Google about Vagiwave.
May I share your anonymous experience in your 1st email as an input for public awareness?
I thought so too, that’s why for the time being I’m gonna stick with her guidance.
Sure, Dr. That was my intention when I first emailed you, please continue doing what you do and keep educating our people.
I hope to stay in touch and I’ll keep updating on my journey to vaginismus-free 😊
Thanks for the suggestion and I’ll start searching on vagiwave right away. Many thanks, Dr.
Me; I have a pt who has obtained cure after using Vagiwave. And this pt is willing to be contracted if thereis any person with similar problem would like to have coaching.
After analysing the mechanism of action Vagiwave, i believe it has a unique strenght. The principle of successful treatment of fear is longer exposure is better.
With multi-pronged approach insyaallah we could obtain success
2020 AFTER 2 YEARS
Salam and good day, Dr.
I’m just writing to give an update to you regarding my vaginismus. I had written to you on 2018 when I was a newlywed. And now after 3 years of marriage, my husband and I are still in an unconsummated marriage but Alhamdulillah we are blessed with 2 girls, a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old. Both are from splash pregnancy apparently.
I haven’t had the chance to buy and try the Vagiwave as you suggested (but I intend to) and also haven’t got the time to practice with dilators since having my first baby; might have to wait for the girls to be a bit older before I can get back to focusing on my condition.
Dear Mdm Xxx,
I really appreciate and many thanks for updating me about your progress.
The issue of vaginismus is always and forever close to my heart.
Some of my pts lost contact and I wouldn’t know the outcome of their journey.
Alhamdulillah you got 2 girls as a reason to console your marriage. I guess my article has helped you in understanding that pregnancy is still possible even without penetration.
I also have another patient with similar condition as yours. Having 2 kids with unconsummated marriage.
If I’m given a chance I would like to explore on your husband view about the issue.
Prof Dr Ramli Musa
Salam and good day, Prof Dr Ramli.
May I know more about your patient who had tried the Vagiwave and also if I may know the crucial steps to getting better outcomes? Because I think this condition is beginning to worsen my mental health, especially after post-partum of my second baby.
Your article and blog definitely have helped me a lot. I remember re-reading all the posts and comments whenever I’m feeling down. It really helps me to know that I am not alone and to remind myself that it is a treatable condition so I shall not give up.
What would you like to know from my husband’s view? My husband and I are both glad to share anything that may help you in helping the others (and us).
Sebenarnya dalam merawat Vaginismus, penglibatan suami/pasangan itu penting. Mengapa?
1. dalam proses rawatan, sokongan dan kerjasama suami penting
2. banyak kes Vaginismus, suami juga tertekan kerana mengikut teori hierarchy of needs (Maslow), seks itu keperluan biologi terutama pada pihak lelaki.
Pada asalnya tiada langsung soalan ditanya dalam post ini mungkin kerana ia dalam B Ingeris.
Boleh baca pelbagai solan ditanya di post berkaitan;
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